Our youth are facing a major epidemic that is responsible for ruining their lives and the lives of others. This epidemic is called bullying. Bullying is when an individual believes that he/she is superior to another individual and believes that he/she can force their dominance on the other individual.
There is so much wrong with the terrible act of bullying. We all have experienced the outcomes that can come from bullying and we are all trying our best to find a solution to this problem, but before we find a solution, we must truly understand the problem.
There are two participants when it comes to bullying: The bully and the victim. For bullying to happen, both participants contribute in making it happen. Does that mean that the victim is just as responsible as the bully? Absolutely not! The bully is the one who initiates bullying, but even so, the victim does play a part. Let’s look at each participants.
The Bully: Like stated before, the bully is more responsible because he/she is the one who initiates bullying. Anytime we hear about bullying, we just have to ask ourselves, ‘why?’ Why would anyone go so far out their way to hurt another individual?
Bullies are individuals who are either hurt, confused, ignorant, or just plain mean. Jealousy, envy, popularity, etc., are common motives for bullying, but the source of it all is low self-esteem.
Let’s say a bully is lacking in areas that others have plenty of. The bully will start to get jealous and start to target those others. The jealousy is from the pain the bully feels that comes from the belief that he/she can never have what the others have. That belief stems from low self-esteem. It’s very sad because bullies are quicker to make things worse for others than to make things better for themselves.
The saying, “Misery loves company” is as true as it comes. Instead of picking themselves up to feel better, bullies would rather pull others down. It’s so much easier to hurt than to improve. Once again, that is a belief that stems from low self-esteem.
There are no excuses for bullying, regardless if an individual is hurting, ignorant, or confused. The one notion that is actually a contradiction to bullies is the thought that they are better than the individual they bully. The true fact is this: Bullies are worse than those they bully. How? When bullies bully others, their actions reveal their beliefs about themselves, “I need to hurt you to make myself look better because I am too weak and pathetic to know how to be comfortable with myself.”
If every victim would start seeing bullies for who they are, they would laugh in their face and respond, “Do you really have to hurt me to feel better? Do you really feel that bad about yourself? And if you didn't feel bad about yourself, why are you wasting your time hurting me? Is that what you feel good about yourself? Hurting others? Whatever the reason, I feel bad for you.”
The Victim: It might be hard to understand, but the victim is somewhat responsible for bullying to happen. A good analogy would be a thief walking into someone’s house. The only way a thief could walk inside someone’s house is if that person left their door unlocked. If the thief stole from the house, whose fault would it be for letting this happen? The thief AND the person who left their door unlocked. Like bullying, things wouldn’t have been stolen if the thief didn't decide to walk inside the house, but he also couldn't walk in if the door was locked.
Victims have to understand that it is a lifetime responsibility to protect themselves from harm. If that isn’t a priority in their life, that’s because, just like bullies, they have low self-esteem.
It's not farfetched for a victim to stand up for themselves when bullying occurs. It’s within their ability and their obligation to do so. That is why our first Law of VOICE is Believe in Yourself. This is the beginning of good self-esteem as well as the beginning of self-defense when the time comes to defend yourself.
If a victim believes that he/she is stupid and a bully call the victim stupid, whose fault is it if the victim is hurt? The bully? But what if the victim believes that he/she is smart and a bully calls the victim stupid, whose fault is it if the victim is still confident and happy? The bully? Good self-esteem means that whatever you think is true about yourself, what others say can either positively strengthen that truth about yourself or can do nothing because you are already convinced. But if you have low self-esteem, what others say can negatively strengthen that ‘truth’ about yourself or can make things worse because you are already convinced.
Victims need to be aware in life and have personal convictions of who they already are before they start to consider if what others say about them is true. Good self-esteem isn’t only necessary to combat bullying, but for other painful obstacles we will face in life. Good self-esteem is a special kind of necessity in life because we can choose to live with it.....or not.
So what is the solution to bullying? Good self-esteem! With good self-esteem, the bully wouldn’t allow him/herself to sink so low to hurt another individual. With good self-esteem, the victim wouldn’t choose to be a victim and wouldn't allow what someone says get to him/her because he/she will know the truth of their own person and who bullies are.
Sometimes, we need to put responsibility on ourselves to see what we are doing wrong and to see if we have the potential to change the outcome before we believe that others can determine our fate.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstien
There is so much wrong with the terrible act of bullying. We all have experienced the outcomes that can come from bullying and we are all trying our best to find a solution to this problem, but before we find a solution, we must truly understand the problem.
There are two participants when it comes to bullying: The bully and the victim. For bullying to happen, both participants contribute in making it happen. Does that mean that the victim is just as responsible as the bully? Absolutely not! The bully is the one who initiates bullying, but even so, the victim does play a part. Let’s look at each participants.
The Bully: Like stated before, the bully is more responsible because he/she is the one who initiates bullying. Anytime we hear about bullying, we just have to ask ourselves, ‘why?’ Why would anyone go so far out their way to hurt another individual?
Bullies are individuals who are either hurt, confused, ignorant, or just plain mean. Jealousy, envy, popularity, etc., are common motives for bullying, but the source of it all is low self-esteem.
Let’s say a bully is lacking in areas that others have plenty of. The bully will start to get jealous and start to target those others. The jealousy is from the pain the bully feels that comes from the belief that he/she can never have what the others have. That belief stems from low self-esteem. It’s very sad because bullies are quicker to make things worse for others than to make things better for themselves.
The saying, “Misery loves company” is as true as it comes. Instead of picking themselves up to feel better, bullies would rather pull others down. It’s so much easier to hurt than to improve. Once again, that is a belief that stems from low self-esteem.
There are no excuses for bullying, regardless if an individual is hurting, ignorant, or confused. The one notion that is actually a contradiction to bullies is the thought that they are better than the individual they bully. The true fact is this: Bullies are worse than those they bully. How? When bullies bully others, their actions reveal their beliefs about themselves, “I need to hurt you to make myself look better because I am too weak and pathetic to know how to be comfortable with myself.”
If every victim would start seeing bullies for who they are, they would laugh in their face and respond, “Do you really have to hurt me to feel better? Do you really feel that bad about yourself? And if you didn't feel bad about yourself, why are you wasting your time hurting me? Is that what you feel good about yourself? Hurting others? Whatever the reason, I feel bad for you.”
The Victim: It might be hard to understand, but the victim is somewhat responsible for bullying to happen. A good analogy would be a thief walking into someone’s house. The only way a thief could walk inside someone’s house is if that person left their door unlocked. If the thief stole from the house, whose fault would it be for letting this happen? The thief AND the person who left their door unlocked. Like bullying, things wouldn’t have been stolen if the thief didn't decide to walk inside the house, but he also couldn't walk in if the door was locked.
Victims have to understand that it is a lifetime responsibility to protect themselves from harm. If that isn’t a priority in their life, that’s because, just like bullies, they have low self-esteem.
It's not farfetched for a victim to stand up for themselves when bullying occurs. It’s within their ability and their obligation to do so. That is why our first Law of VOICE is Believe in Yourself. This is the beginning of good self-esteem as well as the beginning of self-defense when the time comes to defend yourself.
If a victim believes that he/she is stupid and a bully call the victim stupid, whose fault is it if the victim is hurt? The bully? But what if the victim believes that he/she is smart and a bully calls the victim stupid, whose fault is it if the victim is still confident and happy? The bully? Good self-esteem means that whatever you think is true about yourself, what others say can either positively strengthen that truth about yourself or can do nothing because you are already convinced. But if you have low self-esteem, what others say can negatively strengthen that ‘truth’ about yourself or can make things worse because you are already convinced.
Victims need to be aware in life and have personal convictions of who they already are before they start to consider if what others say about them is true. Good self-esteem isn’t only necessary to combat bullying, but for other painful obstacles we will face in life. Good self-esteem is a special kind of necessity in life because we can choose to live with it.....or not.
So what is the solution to bullying? Good self-esteem! With good self-esteem, the bully wouldn’t allow him/herself to sink so low to hurt another individual. With good self-esteem, the victim wouldn’t choose to be a victim and wouldn't allow what someone says get to him/her because he/she will know the truth of their own person and who bullies are.
Sometimes, we need to put responsibility on ourselves to see what we are doing wrong and to see if we have the potential to change the outcome before we believe that others can determine our fate.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstien
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